Judy Zityniuk
Final Draft
Dear…
There must be a certain way of doing this. A way I know your familiar with. A way I know every normal girl is familiar with. I don’t want to write your name, I rather it feel like I am talking to myself. For some reason its easier for me, perhaps maybe because I am the “weird” girl. Talking to yourself is much easier then letting someone else know how you feel. When I was little I fell off the monkey bars and hurt my wrist. I kept wrapping my wrist in duck tape over and over again, I put ice on it everyday until it hurt so bad I had to tell my Dad. He screamed at me for not telling him how bad I was feeling and the look of bewilderment on his face can still be seen clearly in my mind. I was oblivious walking into your arms because it was new to me. I was smart from the beginning though. I was cautious the entire time where I never really believed you. My walls were made up of bricks that would never tumble down for anyone. Was it a game or was it true? I never really knew but I thought you did, I knew you did, and I think you still do at times. You have feelings for me. You have told me numerous times you like me but it didn’t feel real, they felt like words to me. Words that you blurted out of your mouth as our relationship progressed, words you thought would make things right. I never told you though. Instead I told you things that should have made you vanish from my life as soon as you entered it. Yet, you kept chasing after me, always trying to get my attention. Walking in the same path I was where you would almost bump into me if I hadn’t looked up and noticed you. I had you in the palm of my hand. I was the trickster and I always played games with you, leading you into a kiss and then pulling away laughing. Telling you things I really did not mean. Then you left, exactly what I wanted.
There has to be a way of telling you this, a trick, a skill I can learn or a technique where it’s simple to let it all out. Let you know how I really felt about you. The words you had spoken to me, the complements you had fed me had caught me onto you hook and you reeled me in. You were on my mind everyday after we completely stopped talking to each other. Every single day. Love songs that played on the radio I would shut off because they reminded me of you. The pain in their voices when they sang of how it all hurts I understand now. These words I can only speak in my head, they cannot come out of my mouth. They sit there in my mind, lingering and trying to find their way out. I cant and I am glad I kept them inside trapped.
School was finally over for the year and summertime was beautiful. I completely erased you and I went down the shore. I spent most of my summer on the beach. The ocean was amazing everyday. The sun shinned in the bright blue sky; the loud excited screams of children filled the background that rang along with the sound of the crashing waves in my ears. I never had one thought about you at all. My best friend Lea and I worked on the boardwalk at a pizza shop. She was the person who got me the job there. We were paid nine dollars an hour, which was great for me. I loved waitressing down there where everyone walked in with a bright smile. They all just came from the beach where they would still have wet sand on their feet. I wore a white shirt and black pants with a red apron in the middle, it was a weird uniform they made us wear but I didn’t mind.
One night, it rained so hard we barely had any customers. There was a hurricane in the ocean and a pretty bad one, so we were told to close up early. Lea had long black hair that laid all the way down to her butt. That hair would become a huge frizz ball once the rain touched it. She asked me to start bringing the gate down so her hair wouldn’t get all messed up. This was this night I saw you. I was busy trying to close the restaurant so I had my back turned to you when you asked me if you could buy just one lice of pizza. I turned around and we just stared. Unknowing of what to say or what to do. “I was just closing now” but…, I told you. You were with your friend and two girls. Before I could answer you cut me off saying okay. Then I watched you walk away laughing with everyone. I could easily make the assumption that everyone had a date, including you. You see I fail to make you realize how mean you were to me in this letter. There is no point to complain to you, I think I would rather just let everything go now, but what is so questionable is what could have we been when everything was a big misunderstanding? We both loved each other but we couldn’t tell because we were both stubborn at the wrong times. Your still on my mind at times and I wonder if I ever still come across your mind as well.
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